with your own penis?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
