this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
