i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
