you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
