Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
