If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
