My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
