now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Too much gin, very little bucket
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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