Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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