literally had 100 drinks last night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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