Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
