I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
