never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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