respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
