Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
