Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
