Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize