With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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