Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
