Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
