a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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