how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize