Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the condom got lost in my hair
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
