Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
