Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
