My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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