If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
