he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
