I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
