i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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