I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
