if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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