I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
