Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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