I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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