The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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