Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
