every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
