Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
