please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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