I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
