before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
