He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
