I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
