this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
