i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and you said cock pushups were impossible
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I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
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I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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