My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's great music for shaving your balls
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
