i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
