So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
