just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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