Porn is love you can see.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
