I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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