he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
