Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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