I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
