He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
