Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
