You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
