my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
