Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
