Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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