I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
