you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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