I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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