: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
